The Irish Mammy is a well documented species. The lesser know Irish Granny is an even more fascinating one. It could just be a trait of getting older but the irish Granny is not one to beat around the bush. Talking about how I felt my body had decided to recover and my brain was really not comfortable with it and there for could not take credit for my progress this was what I was greeted with ( lol at the fact my family now think of me as having 2 separate identities…). Not to mention that this conversation occourred in the cafe of a well known irish mental hospital. What is life?
I spoke about extreme hunger in my last post and how it has been vital to reaching near weight restoration. But today is one of those days the change is just too much. Body image is at rock bottom and fighting the urges both to restrict and binge is exhausting. And I guess I am struggling with the knowledge that I am now no longer distinguishable as being slim but yet my eating disorder still occupies most of my thoughts. Like what is on the outside dose not match how I feel inside. And any one watching me will now think I’m just greedy for the amount I am eating, and it’s getting harder to tell my self “you need this food” as I no longer see my self as ill.
This article is fascinating https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hunger-artist/201011/starvation-study-shows-recovery-anorexia-is-possible-only-regaining-weight. But what I have feel is that now I’ve gained weight and the anorexic rituals and OCD tendencies have lessened, my ADHD, hyperactivity, Low mood and depressive tendencies have worsened and I haven’t yet lost the constant constant inner monologue. I guess that it’s just bringing to the fore the fact that my mental health isn’t great and many my anorexia was a coping mechanism for the dealing with them.